Would It Help If I Stapled A Hundred Dollar Bill To My Query Letter?

It is easy to see why novelists are a depressed bunch. I sent queries to about twenty literary agents, all of whom sold light mysteries. The Woman Who Died Twice, by the way, is a light mystery. I got a few rejections, and the rest haven’t replied. The advice I’ve been given is not to give up. Just what does that mean?

Should I keep looking for more literary agents to query? I guess that makes sense up to a point. Should I write yet another book? Died Twice is my second. The first was roundly rejected. I agreed with the rejections. It wasn’t very good. The one thing that I’m not supposed to do is give up. Sure. Right.

Let’s see. what are the pros and cons of not giving up?

Pros

  • If I keep trying, I don’t have to admit that I failed. (weak)
  • Maybe someone will give me a chance.
  • My writing might improve if I continue.

cons

  • I waste more of my life on something with little chance of success.
  • Maybe I’m not a good writer after all.
  • I keep getting more and more depressed.

It’s easy to find stories about successful novelists finally getting published after countless frustrating failures. How many frustrating failures did unsuccessful novelists suffer?

nobody tells the truth

The biggest problem that I’ve found is that nobody, even people I paid to help me, tells the truth. I’ve paid several professionals — agents and editors — to review my query letter and first pages. I’ve asked each and every one to tell me if my work is crap. Not one offered honest feedback. One or two, who looked at my first book, gave very subtle hints that it was garbage. Nobody told me.

OK, I get it. No one wants to end a career by condemning a novel. A little honest feedback like, “This doesn’t seem marketable,” would be solid gold to a writer who wants to get better at the craft. Little line edits don’t make me a better storyteller. Broad strokes that move me toward better writing do.

There’s one other issue that no one seems able to define: voice. My first book had no real voice. Died Twice apparently has a good voice. Several people, including a respected author and agent, told me. I’m pretty sure that this book is a good story. That’s the feedback so far. Nobody told me that my first book had either a good voice or storyline. If Died Twice has a good voice and story, what’s wrong?

the biggest problem

My analysis, I was a management consultant in a former life, is that the real issue is that agents don’t/can’t put in the time to read past the very-short query letter. Agents are inundated with book submissions. Some get hundreds a week. They argue that they don’t have the time to read more than the first paragraph of a query letter. Guess what? I’m not an ad writer. I may know how to write a novel, but I don’t know how to write ad copy for a book.

Am I to believe that I am unpublishable as an author because I can’t write a grabby tagline? Can it be that my writing career is doomed before it starts because I can’t write jacket copy? Sadly, I think so. There are too many other writers who can write an acceptable book and great blurbs. Too bad.

Let’s face it, literary agents are salespeople. They make their living by selling books to publishers. That’s the bottom line. Their job is to sort through the mountain of queries and find the manuscripts that they can market. They don’t get paid to represent titles that no one wants to publish. I get it. My job is to convince agents that they can sell my story.

It’s too bad that I spent most of my career making things work instead of superficial fifty-words-or-less flim-flam. I don’t mean to sound bitter, but I am. How good is advice like “never give up.”? It’s good for the person who offers it. She doesn’t have to feel guilty for dashing some poor soul’s hopes.

Am I a poor soul? Maybe. I’ve gotten enough feedback to believe that I could have a shot if I could only turn myself into a superficial advertising copywriter. If you think that I’m just grumbling, take a look at my last post. I published my query letter. Stinks, right? I’ll keep trying. Maybe I’ll figure out how to grab an agent’s attention. Maybe I should staple a hundred-dollar bill to my query letter.